3 keys to overcoming resistance to change in your Rotary club
Michael McQueen makes a point during the International Assembly 12 January in Orlando, Florida, USA.
Editor’s Note: The following is an excerpt of a speech Michael McQueen delivered to incoming Rotary leaders during the International Assembly in Orlando, Florida, USA, 12 January. McQueen is a bestselling author and sought-after media commentator who has appeared in Forbes, The Guardian, and on CNN. McQueen’s talk focused on resistance to change. Watch the entire speech in the Brand Center.
By Michael McQueen
We all know that change is essential. We spend a lot of time talking about what needs to change in Rotary and how that change ought to happen. But the truth is this: nothing changes until minds do.
You can have the best change strategy in the world.
But if you can’t get people to willingly open their minds, you’ll never get liftoff.
The good news?
While opening people’s minds is by no means easy, it is possible. (There are) three research-based keys for doing just this:
1. Aim for Affinity
The essence of this first principle is simple: people won’t listen to you until they like you. You’ve got to win people over to you before you have any hope of winning them over to your view.
This isn’t just about charm or charisma, it’s about affinity.
More than two thousand years ago, Aristotle wrote about this in his work on rhetoric and persuasion. He said that the most powerful tool of influence wasn’t logic or emotion, it was ethos. Credibility. Trust.
And today, neuroscience backs that up.
Professor Paul Zak from Claremont Graduate University has spent decades studying what he calls the neuroscience of trust. He discovered that when people feel connected, when they laugh together, sing together, or even walk in sync, their brains release a chemical called oxytocin.
That little burst of connection changes the way we perceive one another. We begin to feel safe, open, and receptive.
The next time you’re trying to bring someone along on a change journey, don’t start with your argument, start with your connection. Share a story. Go for a walk together. Find common ground. Because the mind follows the heart, not the other way around.
2. Lessen the Loss
There is one emotion that is always involved when someone resists change — fear. … The fear that causes us to shut down and resist new things is actually the fear of loss. And typically, there are three losses that trigger resistance most frequently:
- The loss of Power — when change makes us feel sidelined or less significant.
- The loss of Familiarity — the discomfort of leaving behind what’s known and predictable.
- The loss of Dignity — the fear of looking foolish, being seen as out of touch, or losing face.
The key in helping people to embrace change is not to push harder and sell the change, it’s to lessen the loss.
That might mean asking for advice instead of giving instructions. It might mean involving people early in the process so they can take ownership. Or it might simply mean giving them a choice, even a small one, so they feel in the driver’s seat of change. If people don’t feel they have agency or choice, they’ll instinctively resist rather than engage.
3. Reframe Reality
You don’t change minds by winning arguments — you change them by helping people see things differently. Your reality is not the reality.
One of the most powerful ways to open someone’s mind is simply to help them see things from a different perspective. To get them to a point where they say — either out loud or to themselves — I’d never seen it that way before.
And one way to do this that I often teach leaders is called the Rate and Reflect approach. It comes from some research done at Yale University over the past few decades. The technique centers on asking another person two very specific questions in a specific order. The first question is:
“On a scale of one to ten, how ready or willing or interested are you in (whatever the change you’re asking them to consider)?”
Let’s say they answer “three” or even “two” if they’re really resistant. Most people would assume the next question would be, “Why didn’t you give a higher number?”
But the power of the Rate and Reflect approach is to ask the opposite: “Out of curiosity, how come you didn’t choose a lower number?”
That one question flips the focus. Instead of thinking about all the reasons they don’t want to consider or embrace what you’re suggesting, they have the chance to reflect on even the small part of them that sees merit in the idea or suggestion.
Watch or download Michael McQueen’s full speech in the Rotary Brand Center. Learn more about McQueen on his website https://michaelmcqueen.net/